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Nov
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Untitled 2

10/31/09
I like to write when I’m tired. I like the freedom exhaustion brings- that point where the social parapet I patrol nearly every moment of the day disappears and my mind stops caring what monstrous form of honesty it leaks out. And then I write. And that’s where I am at the moment- exhausted, on edge, overspent. But I opened up the last file I had written (from a previous honesty foray, no doubt) and I got one line. I like to write with a completely black screen with green text, so the effect of a single tiny line being all that was present on my display was interesting enough–but what got me was what the line said:

What if God doesn’t know?

You know, I think Christian selfishness is as bad as the real thing. Our fasts end in feasts, our missions trips end in plane rides back to comfort, and throughout it all- and listen closely, throughout IT ALL- our sacrifices end in rewards. There is no church offering that is not buffered by the assurance of a “hundred fold,” there is no missions leader who does not sell his or her group on setting their eyes on “heavenly things,” there is no Christian who does not want their mansion in end. We leave earthly treasures behind! we cry, for what will come is greater.

Except that’s cheap.

What if God began to miss things? The 20 dollar bill you slipped into the street beggar’s cup, the two weeks you spent in another country, the house you helped paint–what if it all simply slips the Almighty’s mind, doesn’t quite make it into your life’s ledger?

We would quit. We’d roll down the sleeves, break down the tents, and we would leave. Or maybe it would change us. Too long we’ve sold ourselves on the notion that selflessness is ingrained into modern Christianity–when all that we’ve done is shift the reward a little further back, delayed the gratification just a little longer… and tainted the actions we’ve touted so proudly. We’ve placed the wrong idea upon the priority shrines in our lives. We give because someone at the pulpit guarantees we’ll get back, we witness because our hymnbook promises stars in our crown. But actions backed by an ulterior motive, whether that motive be humanity or Deity, are cheapened. We are not here to love others in order that Christ might love us. We are here to love others with the love Christ gave us. We are here to work out God’s plan on earth simply for that plan’s sake- not for what we can get out of it.

But why shouldn’t I want the most desirable outcome? Why shouldn’t I look to see what I can trade my deeds in for at Heaven’s front gates? Because your belief in a cause cannot go as far as your belief in a payout. For each situation we encounter we frantically look for verses that give the cost/return equation, and that kind of church can not and will not ever be able to cut it as an army of Christ.

So buy in wholeheartedly. Truly believe that Christ owes you nothing and you owe Him all, that what you do is more than an investment–that it matters in the here and now most of all. And once we leave our holy greed behind us, once we start to truly live and lose and love and die all for the sake of Christ and Him alone– that’s when we change the Church. We change our outlooks, we change our outreach.

We change our world.


1 Response to “Untitled 2”


  1. 1 Dominique Nov 25th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Excellent post.

    If there is one thing in this world I absolutely appall, it’s selfishness -especially in Christians. I don’t understand how “we” can still think “we” deserve something after God gave what mattered most to Him to become what He hated. He did this entirely for His names sake… just so that He could be free to love us again. So many people place the weight of their salvation on themselves, and think that because they pray, it is them that have chosen Christ. But God chose us before the foundations of the world (predestination)- and the Holy Spirit has to “Quicken” (Eph. 2 spills it out nicely) our spirits before we can even respond to God’s invitation (He thought of everything :) . So in other words, everything relies on Him, but we want to say/think that we have some sort of control over our lives (God complex, if you will). I don’t understand selfishness, but it scares me when I see it in myself.

    Jesus’ death was all about God, but God is all about us.

    Sorry- I’m coming off my soap box now :) I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, though.

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