Dear Ma’am (or Sir),

I’m writing with a rather different message than the other comments you might have been receiving into your inbox today. It seems, through a rather mundane order of events, that I have become completely addicted to your yogurt. I crave it when I don’t have it, I eat through it when I do, and I am rarely seen in my dorm room without a yogurt cup and a spoon in my hands.

Now this is important, as I do attend a university in Cleveland, TN (Lee University) and, frankly, this yogurt addiction is doing quite a number on my finances. And herein lies two problems: One) I’m not sure my campus job can support 20-30 cups of yogurt a week, and Two) I can’t seem to find any value sized tubs of Strawberry and Cheesecake (which is my flavor of desire) at my local WalMart. Does Yoplait produce such tubs? Should I perhaps look harder before I spend my laundry money on the 54 cent scrumptious cups? And please- no talks of the “Creamy” tubs, bereft of any little bits of strawberries. I’ve attempted cutting my own strawberries into tiny pieces and dumping them in, but the sad fact is that a tub of creamy is quite worthless to me this far into my mania.

To cut my ramblings short, however, I would like to present a proposition to you, Sir (or Ma’am). If I double-cross-my-heart promise to tell all my friends how utterly delicious their lives can become by eating your yogurt, would Yoplait consider a sponsorship of my addiction? I would be willing to wear t-shirts and go on talk shows, or maybe even receive a tattoo (in good taste, of course). Or maybe I could receive a coupon of sorts, just until I can obtain a diploma and a steady paycheck for my habit. If it will help, I am also very willing to save and submit my coupons documenting my declining purchasing behavior for your perusal. Please think it over- and I hope that you will find it in your heart to help out a hard working student and a highly loyal customer of Yoplait Yogurt.

Yours Truly,
Benjamin Workman
Yogurt Extraordinaire